Bill Maher gave viewers “25 Things You Don’t Know About” Michael Cohen on his HBO show Real Time With Bill Maher on Friday, having a laugh at the expense of the president’s attorney.

In this spoof, Maher explained what he imagined Cohen might say if he were featured in Us Weekly’s actual piece, beginning with “My kids use air quotes when they call me ‘a lawyer,’” and ending with “Indict me all you want, b–ches. I’m already in Russia.”

Above is the full clip of Maher’s list.